Joined once again by our guest Bridget Renshaw (@BridgetRenshaw), we read a story about a child who ASCENDS past the mere limits of his own fragile child-self and becomes a GOD!!

At least, that's my theory. See, this kid discovers the Word. The true Word. The Magic Word.

And by the power of Grayskull, he uses it. He uses it to the MAX.

And just getting an amazing supply of sneakers isn't enough. He also commands an unholy army of walruses. FEAR AND WORSHIP PEYTON FOR HE IS YOUR NEW LORD AND MASTER!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

There are monsters EVERYWHERE!! Well, not really, just one specific monster, but he IS on every page of this book! And sure, he's a monster, but he hates being called that. Floyd doesn't like labels.

And we here at the podcast don't really like labels either. So here's out "friend" back again to join us for an episode, Bridget Renshaw (@BridgetRenshaw).

We talk about books. We talk about food. We talk about all of those classic Rachel & Sam Read a Story classic topics, like Malka the dog! And being tired! And more food!

And then we talk about this kidney bean shaped guy named Floyd Peterson. He seems like a chill dude for someone who is so classically designed to be scary. Makes ya think.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Rachel, if you did not already know this, is a fan of yarn. Like, a pretty big fan. The number 1 fan? Maybe not, but she's up there.

So when she saw on the shelves a book about someone who just wanted to be left alone so that they could knit. SOLD. Easy.

So we sat down today and chatted about movies we've been watching/being made to watch and then got into the main event.

This old lady just HAD to get some knitting done and she moved HEAVEN AND EARTH to do it! I mean, I'm pretty sure she's a time-lord, but... well you just listen and figure it out for yourselves!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

If listeners of this podcast know one thing, it's that we LOVE Josh Funk (@joshfunkbooks). Also his books are pretty fun.

This is the 4th Josh Funk installment and Rachel and I were DELIGHTED to sink our teeth into it. (GET IT?? BECAUSE FOOD!)

Inspector Croissant is a food after my own heart. And not just because I love croissants. Especially chocolate ones. But ALSO because I, too, have no idea when/where to properly use a magnifying glass. Is now the time? WHO KNOWS??

But this book is great. We really enjoyed it. So why not listen? WHY NOT LISTEN???

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We all have our favorite animals. Mine happens to be the Peregrine Falcon because it is AWESOME.

Well not all animals get chosen. Some of those animals are the Blobfish. But Blobfish needs love and friendship too! So Blobfish is going to throw a party!

Using his INCREDIBLE SUPERPOWERS Blobfish saves the day and brings about the greatest party known to all of humanity and mermaid-ity and bird-anity and farmer-anity.

This book is super fun and adorable and I can personally attest that it brought our very own Rachel out of a deep funk. Thank you so much to Miranda Paul (@Miranda_Paul) for writing it and thanks to Little Bee Books (@littlebeebooks) for sending us a copy!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's a Nerdist School Network cross-promotion!

Amanda Barnes (@BarnesWrites and @ComicBookNovice) co-hosts the super wonderful and fun podcast The Novice and Frank! It's all about the world of comic books and superheroes, but did we have the perfect book for her!

Superheroes taught us a valuable lesson about controlling our emotions and not being a dick. And we had a wonderfully fun time trying to figure out what they're names/super powers are! Isn't it great when a lesson also turns out to be fun?

Seriously though, don't be a dick.

And listen to Amanda's podcast.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We are joined this week by the incredibly talented and wonderful person, Harry Valentine (@hairyvalentine).

And together we read a book that took three years to complete and won an ACADEMY AWARD. So I think THAT means that it should be good enough for you!

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore is a wonderful journey into fantasy and an exploration of the love of a really good book. That is, assuming it isn't just the story Morris's brain concocts as he lies dying in the streets.

Ummm.....

ENJOY!!!!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's that time again. Passover! That time of year when we give up the sweet, sweet carbs we love and settle down to a nice, underwhelming book.

This year's entry is Sesame Street themed! And boy, was it.... fine.

Grover and Big Bird are visiting their friends in Israel, for some reason, because they don't know any Jews that live near them. For some reason.

But WHATEVER! It's Passover! They don't need to explain anything! Just shovel out a new book so that they can cover that small part of the population that wasn't already covered.

Also, I can't do Grover's voice. Like, at ALL.

But in all seriousness, Sesame Street only exists because of the wonderful people at PBS. PBS provides a wonderful service to families and children all over the country. It's important and should be protected. Please, Support PBS. And support other services like it.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's the Three Pigs! (editor's note: Not Little Pigs)

One builds a house out of straw, another out of sticks, and a third out of bricks! But they build their houses out of THE VERY FABRIC THAT KNITS THEIR WORLD TOGETHER.

AND NOW THAT FABRIC HAS BEEN TORN ASUNDER AND THEY MUST JOURNEY THROUGH THE VOID!!

But anyway, it's fun! Listen now!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a fine example of children's literature.

As you can tell from the careful brushstrokes, to the-HEY EVERYONE!! YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO INTERRUPTING CHICKEN!! IT'S AN ADORABLE STORY ABOUT A LITTLE CHICKEN (note: Not Chicken Little) WHO ALWAYS FEELS THE NEED TO SAVE EVERYONE IN THE FAIRY TALES HIS DAD IS TRYING TO TELL HER!

IT'S SUPER ADORABLE! LISTEN NOW! -is why we recommend it. Thank you for your time.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Did you know that they sold bicycles from catalogs? And di you know that they are, like, RIDICULOUSLY cheap?

Neither did we. But Clyde knows. And Clyde took full advantage!

With the help of his trusty dog, Dawg, Clyde gives riding a bike a try!

Rachel and I already know how to ride bikes. Completely. No training wheels for us anymore. No sir. Um....

WELL EITHER WAY WE DEFINITELY KNOW HOW TO PODCAST, YES WE ARE PODCASTING NOW HOORAY!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Rachel and I are back to our old tricks! And by tricks, we mean reading awesomely adorable children's books!

This week's picture book is NOT a picture book. Except that it is. And isn't? It's confusing.

The important thing is that Rachel know about baking and watching TV, and Sam actually listened to an episode of this very podcast. NO WAY!!

And this little book was just a strange journey into what the joy of reading can really be. It was great.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Episode #150

It's our SESQUICENTENNIAL!!

That means it's our 150th episode. And sure, with lost episodes, and bonus episodes, we may have hit this a couple weeks ago, but this is the podcast with the NUMBER 150!!!

So we had to do something special! We were joined by special guests from across the Nerdist School Network: Mike Sellari (no twitter), Chris Lord (@Lordopher), and Ryan Mogge (@rmogge)!!

And we had a BLAST!!

Super fun hanging out with all these cool people talking about a kinda adorable book. We learned a valuable lesson about whether or not to let birds operate heavy machinery, and had a great time while doing it.

So if you enjoy this episode, you should give each of THEIR podcasts a listen! We promise that they are all amazing! Mike has the This on That podcast, Chris does the Timm Talk Podcast (which I was just a guest on), and Ryan has the Nerdist School classic HELLMOUTHY!!

So check that out and we'll see you at number 200!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Iiiiit's SATURDAY! Or it was when we recorded (and I uploaded) this episode!

And who better to appreciate a Saturday then a wonderful child.

Or an absolutely HORRIBLE child, in this case. Man, if I was this kid's parent, there is no WAY I would put with this level of shenanigans. But these parents do. Because they are saints.

Like all parents are, RIGHT MOM??

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It ain't easy bein' a ninja. Especially when your family is, like, SUPER busy.

But sometimes you have the best family.

Ninja! is a fun little story about Maxwell, who is a self-made ninja which is REALLY hard to do, must take on the greatest foe he's ever faced.... a 5-year-old girl.

NOOOooOOoOOOoOOooooO!!

But luckily, Maxwell has what it takes. And aside from the waste of what looked like a really delicious meal, this little book is sweet and adorable. So check it out!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Man, having a nice family is great. This week and next's podcast are all about just... the BEST families!

Thunder Boy Jr., in particular, talks about a son living in the shadows of his Dad and wanting to find a way to find his own identity.

It is adorable and beautiful! But I think that we can all agree that the absolute BEST part of this book is when they compliment the name Sam. Mr. Alexie was correct to compliment the greatest of names. We Sam's are humbled to have been gifted with such a good name. And we thank Mr. Alexie for bringing the world's attention to its MAJESTY!

So take a listen to Thunder Boy Jr. (by - Sherman Alexie & Yuyi Morales) and revel in being in the presence of a SAM! (and also a Rachel we guess.)

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Hoo boy, this book...

The full title for this book is "Dante's Journey: An Infernal Adventure." And it... it is NOT good.

I mean, if you're the sort of parent who wants to TERRIFY YOUR CHILD, then yeah sure, this book is for you. But if you're an parent who is in ANY WAY SENSIBLE, then DAMN.

And if you're a millennial like us who takes delight in pointing out the hubris and foibles of hypocritical, then HOORAY! We're gonna have some fun! Because in this podcast.... YOU... will go... to HELL!!!!!!

We also had a guest, but he doesn't want to be discovered on the internet, so...

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Now, I don't know about you, but I play D&D. (I mean, I actually prefer the Savage Worlds play style, since it relies more on creativity and less on dice rolls, but since all I can get is D&D at the moment, it's fine.) And like anyone else who's played D&D, I have raided my share of dungeons and killed my share of Goblins.

But what about those Goblins? What about those Dungeons? Don't they have feelings too?

Yes.

And also they are adorable.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

After almost two and a half YEARS, Rachel and I finally returned to Rachel's author crush Jon Klassen (@burstofbeaden)! He wrote the books I Want My Hat Back and This is Not My Hat which are absolutely PHENOMENAL children's books.

And now there is a third in the Klass-Hat-Based-Books! Hooray!

This is the story about two turtles who find a hat. And all the WACKY hijinks that ensue! HAHAHAHAHA!!! What fun!

Also, this book is great. Listen now!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

So last month I took a little trip to something in Pasadena called DesignerCon! While there, I found a little booth where a nice gentleman named Dane Ault (@monkeyminion) was selling children's cooks that he had illustrated himself! And he even had a parody of the Rachel & Sam classic: Are you my Mother?

I had to buy it. And I had to surprise/give it to Rachel.

It's a cute little book, but you can hear it for yourself! Because that's our final book for 2016!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We've all seen the movie. No, seriously, we've ALL seen the movie. But did you know that Tim Burton also made The Nightmare Before Christmas into a children's book?

It's similar but different!

Jack is way, WAY more of a narcissist. And, frankly, he wasn't doing too well on that score in the movie.

But it's nice every once in a while to remind yourself that Tim Burton has been doing this a long time and is damn fine artist!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Monsters are TERRIFYING.

If they aren't stomping around wreaking havoc and destruction, then they are trying to EAT you!

Oh, these monsters are asleep. And this Little Monster is just telling us about them and making a little recording.

That's okay, we guess! Maybe monsters aren't so bad after all!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! Or... EIGHT! Four?

Um... Hello! This little guy's name is Octicorn and he is the result of a Unicorn Daddy and and Octopus Mommy! I think there's the potential for a lewd joke there, but this is a podcast about childish kid things so I won't make it!

See, the thing about Octicorn is that he knows he's a little weird, but he just wants a friend. Weill you be his friend? I mean, I would, but... y'know. I've been busy... And stuff.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun, but you know what's MORE fun that Thanksgiving? Well, with my family, really anything, but in the context of this podcast... DINOSAURS WRESTLING!!

Joined by Paul Laier (@PaulBrawl) we take a real close look at the world of wrestling when it's done by dinosaurs. And rhymes. And is awesome.

Ever wonder who'd win between an T. Rex and a Stegosaurus, but in a Greco-Roman Style Match?? WELL LOOK NO FURTHER!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

This week is Thanksgiving in the United States! A wonderful holiday where we all go home and argue with our families!

No wait, it's the holiday where express joy over our annihilation of the native populace!

OOOO absolutely not that, no. We are... thankful? Yeah!

And this week we are VERY thankful for a Pirate Ship full of dinosaurs. Because there is no part of that sentence that I don't like! What a time to be alive!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

And now it's time to get silly.

And nothing is sillier than a duck on a tractor! Well, maybe not as silly as a duck and cow on a tractor. And even THAT isn't quite as silly as a duck and a cow and a goat on a tractor. And beyond THAT-

Okay, some silliness is occurring and I don't want to get in its way. I'm just going to say, give this episode a listen, and make sure you're ready to speak your mind.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday. In the United States that means that we are VOTING tomorrow. And in this particular year, it is INCREDIBLY important that we all vote.

I mean, it's important every year, but I mean, 2016 is just sort of a, wow, QUITE an outlier.

Rachel suggested, and I agreed, that this would be a good week to read a kid's book about voting, to make sure everyone has a sense of the importance of voting tomorrow. Because it IS really important.

So vote! Because not every always could. Even now, so many people can't. So it's important.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Space.

The final... book-tier. (That's a thing right? "Book-tier?" ... NO?? Fine. Whatever.)

These are the stories of a young man, his dog, and robot co-pilot as they face off against Space's scariest nemesis.

The....... SPACE PIRATE!!

OOOoooooOOOOoooOOOOO!!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

You guys, Rachel did it! She found this book from my childhood! It's is the tale of a magical world populated only by a WONDERFUL selection of capybaras.

Can you think of a more ideal planet? No. And neither can I.

Especially if that planet also has internet.

But no really, you know how some books just stay with you from childhood, no matter what and you still think about them from time to time? The Wump World is that book for me.

I hope you like it because I sure do!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Because crying "wolf" is SO last millenium.

Ben is a little boy who likes to tell stories. Or as we, adults, like to call them: LIES. Horrible, Horrible lies. Made up by communists.

Unless those lies are true.

And ESPECIALLY if those lies lead to the creation of a completely ridiculous reality show.

But I digress. Here's a podcast:

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

The Bear ate it.

We saw, or rather read about, the whole thing! And man, that bear sure had an amazing day!

Just picture this bear on his FIRST day in the big city! Oh boy! He's gonna get an ice cream cone, take a picture at the top of the Empire State Building, through his lovely hat into the air while spinning around and arou-

Hmmm...

I might be thinking of something different. Anyway, this book is great!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Quackers is a duck.

Oh sure, Quackers may look like a cat, and SOUND like a cat. But I tell you true! Quackers is a duck.

Mittens, on the other hand (Ha HA! Puns!), is the weirdest duck that Quackers has ever met and Quackers is excited to find out more.

And also, at the end, an argument about Vegan life-choices. (Sam is definitely right!)

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Rachel and Sam may be tired, but Bear is not. No sir. Bear will be hanging out ALL winter with his little ducky friends.

But friends, Winter is Coming.

And Bear must prepare. For the Night is dark and full of terrors. And Ducks. The night is dark and full of terror and ducks.

I think that's about right.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Be warned! The contents of this book have been known to be volatile and try to escape!

Be secondarily warned! Sam's is having to skype in this episode and it's a little fuzzy.

But most importantly, no matter WHAT you do, DO. NOT. OPEN. THIS. BOOK.

But I mean... now we kinda gotta! Right?

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

I've never had a pen pal before. It always seemed like a cool thing to have. When my friend Payim moved away when I was a kid, I suggested we be pen pals, but it never happened.

Now this kid, George, he DOES get to have a pen pal. And it's a DRAGON! How AWESOME is that?? And this guy, Blaise, gets to have a pen pal and it's a HUMAN?? WHOA!!

So basically, George gets to have the childhood I wished I had.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

How many haircuts does a person need at a time?

ONE! Ah-ah-ah!

Alright, you may now commence boo-ing. Y'know, like a ghost!

Oh man, I can't stop myself. Anyway, this is a cute little book about a little girl who's afraid of getting haircuts, and what better what to get over one fear than having it presented to you by a BLOOD-SUCKING VAMPIRE?????

I honestly can't think of a better way.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

You have to admire a bear that knows what he wants. And Bruce wants eggs, so he goes out and GETS them.

Of course, eggs always have a different maturation time and if Bruce get's the timing SLIGHTY wrong, then-

Well now we've got ourselves a Mother Goose Bruce.

Rachel thought this book was absolutely adorable and I have to agree. Poor Bruce. It's not easy being a bear. Who's hungry.

Grrrrrrrrrr

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We are just on a 4th wall breaking kick! Frankencrayon promised to be an amazing book. Unfortunately though, it was CANCELLED.

So what's a cast of crayons to do?

Well I mean they HAVE to explain what happened. A book doesn't just get cancelled for no reason... right??

Frankencrayon is a fun little book and it's interesting to step inside the thought process of a crayon.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Times when you would be surprised to find the library open: Midnight.

Times when THIS library IS open: Midnight (until Dawn).

Patrons of previously mentioned Midnight Library: Aminals. All SORTS of aminals! We gots squirrels. A lady wolf. And a TURTLE!

I like turtles.

And you will like this book!

Plus, it's art is made from Prints. And that is just crazy!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

You guys. Did you know that there is a skeleton INSIDE YOUR BODY, like, ALL the time?? Because I sure didn't know. Neither did Samira.

It's sure weird and gross. Who'd even WANT a skeleton in your body? It would go wherever you go and see whatever you do! How weird is that?? All the weird.

So this book is fun little exploration in how we're all the same inside. It's the outside of is that's about to get murdered by mothers. Particularly THIS mother.

But I don't want to spoil anything, give this episode a listen!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's simple.

If you stop listening, we slowly fade away. The attentive ears of a grateful audience are all that breathed life into us in the first place, and now, you're thinking about NOT listening? .....oh no!

This book, Please Open this Book, is similar. These poor adorable animals only exist within the pages of this book. But you MONSTERS callously insist on closing the cover. Why? WHY? WHYYYYYYYY??

Would a banana make it better?

Good.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Poor Mr. Pip. If only people understood him more! Or if he were named after one of the less... thrown-away-y parts of a fruit!

But I guess it's not all bad. He is owned by THE famous actor. So that's nice.

Then he gets put on loan to what has to be the most well-funded science institute OF ALL TIME. Seriously, robots, rockets to the moon, and MORE robots. It's crazy!

And all just to make Mr. Pip happy! Hmmm... I guess like isn't so bad for this monkey!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

I have been requesting this book for some time. It is good book.

Or rather, I should say it is a good part of an otherwise ALSO good book! The Stinky Cheese Man is one of those play-on fairy tales that so accurately captures the spirit of the original while simultaneously parodying it, that I just think we should just have this and move on with our lives.

Rachel was convinced.

And I will just say, for the record, that Blue Cheese is delicious.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We did not see this book coming.

Seriously, out of left field it was.

Anyway, there's this kid that comes to town. Mighty fine sheriff this youngin' turns out to be. Now, sure, you might be athinkin' that ain't no kid should be policin' the streets of such a rough a tumble town.

Well, you'd be wrong.

Addendum: WHO kisses a COW? Since when is that a THING??

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

I mean, sure, a lot of kids would want a puppy. Or a cat of some variety. They're quite popular after all. But, if your world is populated by baby monsters, then wouldn't you just want one of those adorable little fuzzballs for your very own?

I dunno, probably!

I Want a MONSTER! Is a super fun look at a kid who just wants a pet, but sometimes the pet you want is a little more than you can handle. The important thing is we all learned a valuable lesson about... wait... what was that? ... We DIDN'T learn a lesson? ... We didn't learn ANYTHING?

...

Well, at least we had fun!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Man, if there's one thing I've always hated... it's bedtime. Sure, there all fun during the day. And it's so cute when they try and get there work done or ask for help, but the end of the day... UGG.

I really don't like having to put my parents to bed.

Luckily there's a book with some helpful suggestions about how to make the process a whole lot smoother. Because let me tell ya, I'm never upset to get those "putting parents to bed life hacks" on my facebook page.

Give it a listen and maybe you'll learn a trick or two, um, too.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

MuAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!

Oh, ahem, excuse me! I didn't see you sitting there. I was practicing my evil laugh. The teacher says that if I don't get it just right by next Tuesday, then I may have to stay back a grade.

I wish I were a natural super-villain. Man, if this stuff came more easily, this'd be great! Like that Dylan kid. Now THERE is a kids who's going places in villainy. I can only dream of being that good.

Now, if you'll excuse me. Erhmm. Ah ha ha ha! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

You ever wonder what your food does as soon as you close the refrigerator door? Well, worry no more because Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast is here to answer that question using delightful rhyme-scheme.

So sit back and enjoy this world full of horrible mutilations and presumed cannibalism! At least, that was out take.

But the real issue here, is one that I just thought of. If this is the world on the other side of the refrigerator door... how are any of the characters able to see? I'm pretty sure the light in the fridge turns off when I close the door, but... hmmmm...

I better go check.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Jungle Book is all sorts of popular right now. And it should be. It's great! But what if the kid raised by wolves actually lived with the rest of humanity? How endearing would it be then?

Still quite endearing, it turns out!

Steve, Raised by Wolves is about alternate universe Calvin, or rather what Calvin WISHES his life were like, but I might just be projecting. Or maybe I'm not. WHO KNOWS??

It's a book about a kid with odd parents, but at the end of the day, isn't every book about that?

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Jimmy Fallon, you scoundrel you, how are you gonna convince your kids to say "Dada" before "Mama"? Ah, I see, you chose to write  book where EVERY OTHER WORD IS DADA.

*sigh*

Look, I can understand the desperate need to defeat your wife. I really do. (Believe me) But I can't help but feel as though this is cheating.

We get to learn about aminals (spelled correctly) and... emotions I guess? But the real question, Jimmy, is this: Did it work?

No? Ah. Well... that's too bad.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

And we're back! Sam finally has his voice back so we are deLIGHTED to return to recording fun episodes of a fun show!

And we're super excited that the first of those episodes is this one. 10,000 Dresses is an amazing book that stars a young trans girl. She dreams of all the different beautiful dresses she'd like to wear someday, but her family isn't willing to accept her for who she is.

But in the end, she finds a friend who does and together they make the dresses together!

There are very few books that focus on trans issues, even LESS that are designed to help build an understanding in children, and even FEWER that are truly this good. 10,000 Dresses is an important book, but most importantly, it is a good one too. Give it a listen and let us know what you think!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

You know who has it rough? Day in and day out, they just get furiously rubbed, face-first, onto sheets of paper while slowly being worn down into a bare nubbin' before being tossed fully into the trash? Erasers.

Also crayons.

And y'know what? Today, these crayons decided to speak up for their rights! Because they deserve to have them!

And man, some of these colors are, like, SUPER needy.

Except for Green. Green is a solid bro.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Imagine the perfect pet. Wrong! Try again. STILL WRONG. One more time. Okay, fine, so you read the title. GOOD JOB, HAVE A COOKIE!

Dinosaurs are awesome and also my favorite! We read a book about the practical uses for one, but let's face it. Dinosaurs don't have to be practical. They're dinosaurs! But it's nice that they're willing to help!

And there's so many of them! Big ol' long-neck dinosaurs, the scaly flap-flap dinosaurs, weird butt-head dinosaurs, and widdle baby wumpkin dinosaurs. Science teaches us this!

So enjoy a silly book about some silly dinosaurs WHICH ARE NOT COVERED IN FEATHERS AND ARE THEREFORE SCIENTIFICALLY INACCURATE THE FIVE-YEAR-OLD IN ME IS FURIOUS!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We all had imaginary friends when we were growing up. I personally don't remember mine, but have been told REPEATEDLY by my parents that such a friend existed. He was named Woody. And I do not remember him at all.

And that's the real tragedy isn't it?

Imaginary friends get a bit of a raw deal. They give us so much happiness, but eventually, we move on.

Ah man, now all I can think about is Bing Bong. Poor Bing Bong...

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Collaboration.

It's a real thing, isn't it? You have to work together with someone who you may not always agree with, and at the end of the day, no matter what, both your names are on the project.

Rachel and I sure don't know anything about that!

And here comes these two kids who have to tell a story, but they each want to tell it their own way. Good for them! But maybe it's a little... disjointed? Because these two stories jump all over each other in a way that is quintessentially kid-book.

Enjoy!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Maaan, I wish MY mom had super powers. The only powers she has are the ability to tell when that the cookie I'm currently eating is "enough." But it's NOT enough Mom! It's never enough!!

In this book we discover that certain mother's may OR MAY NOT possess certain... powers. It's all about the way those characters are perceived. And often having very little to do with reality. UNLESS THEY DO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH REALITY!!

If you like super powers and speculation, you'll love this book. And we all love both of those things! So you'll enjoy the book!

And now I have to go sneak another cookie while Mom isn't looking...

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Meta!

Sometimes you're just going about your life and something WILD happens that pushes you in an entirely different place or story. For those whose lives are fictional, that can be WAY more intense!

Imagine finding yourself in a world entirely different from your own.

These kids sure do take being knocked out of their book in stride. It's impressive, really!

Plus! Rachel and I talk about the Oscars because we are the MOST current people in the world. But seriously, go see The Big Short. It's amazing.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Some of us are dog people. Some of us are cat people. Some of us are unholy-risen-from-their-long-forgotten-tomb cat people.

This book is for those kind of people!

Mummy Cat is a fun look at Egyptian hieroglyphics. It's also a truly tragic story of a cat who has waited for thousands and thousands of years to be reunited with his best friend.

It is a lovely story and we enjoyed reading it!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

There are a lot of traditions surrounding the day-to-day machinations of a farm. Cows make milk. Chickens lay eggs. Pigs are delicious, and roosters wake the sun from its permanent cycle of sleep with the clarion call of their Cock-A-Doodle-Doo!

Truly it is a magical world.

So what happens when the rooster tires of tradition? Tired of the same STANDARD way of greeting the day? The answer is a bleak, cold, and everlasting night.

So enjoy this kids' book! Hooray!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

There are few truths that exist throughout the universe. Few absolutes that can be stated to which there is no argument. This is one of them:

Everyone. Loves. BACON.

But, and there is always a but, do you know how far that passion carries this humble breakfast/anytime food? So far that it extends EVEN to the other breakfast foods. And other foods. All foods.

This is a book about that love.

About the love... of BACON!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

These are the important issues of the day. Crustaceans in leisure-wear. Sure, there are things going on in the world. Important things! But this lobster, you guys, this lobster is in a robe.

I mean, yes, we can, and do, briefly reference the Super Bowl. #AllTheFumbles

And sure, we could talk about the upcoming Oscars, but you GUYS! There is rhyme scheme and a silly lobster doing silly things! I think we made the correct choice.

And also, we've been doing this for a little while and have recently learned about the power of iTunes reviews. So if you have time, please, take a minute and leave us a little something on iTunes. It would go a long way for us, and we'd really appreciate it.

And now, on with the show!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

100. One hundred. Centennial. A Benjamin. Hmmm....

WE HIT A HUNDRED EPISODES!!!!!!!

To celebrate, we read a book that we have been asked to read since the podcast began: A Very Hungry Caterpillar. But the thing about this book is that it's pretty short. So, we read FOUR Eric Carle books! That's more books than in any previous podcast in this or any other dimension!!

We're also joined by terrific guests and fan favorites Bridget Renshaw and Zach Luna.

All in all, it was a great time. Eric Carle is amazing, his books are amazing, and you all are amazing for listening to our fancy shmancy episode 100!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

I want you to know that this episode is specifically for Jennie Crittenden. Because she loves penguins. She probably won't read this message, but I wanted to write it down before I forgot.

Episode 99! Are you ready are you excited.... for PENGUINS?!?!?!

Penguins. Well, one main penguin, but there are support penguins!

This book is fun, it's cute, AND it has familiar joke structures, which I certainly appreciated! I don't know if it teaches kids anything, but it sure would be fun to read to them!

It also gives Rachel and I a chance to talk about Angry Birds, which really don't get the publicity they deserve. When will this struggling indy game break into the public focus?? WHEN??

Anyway, read the book!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Dinosaurs man. Always be threatening to chomp us if we be continuing to read the book they're in. I mean, it's not like that book constitutes THEIR VERY EXISTENCE!!

Either way, there's a secret here and we will get to the bottom of it!

I really enjoyed this book (and not just because I got to read it). It was cute and silly and did a few things that were new to our children's book-reading experience. Good work Jory and Bob!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

And we're back! Happy 2016 everyone!

This week, we are celebrating the new year with a story from the CrEePy Edward Gorey omnibus. Now, I've never really heard of Edward Gorey, but Rachel loves him. And this was, indeed, a dark tale. There are certainly questions to be answered, like:

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE DAMN LOZENGE?

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

One of the books that was the most fun to make fun of, if not to read was Clifford the Big Red Dog! Luckily this episode we had some help. So enjoy week 2 of the Rachel & Sam Read a Story Winter Break and HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

One of those classic books that everyone thinks of when talking about kids' literature is Clifford the Big Red Dog, by Norman Bridwell. An absolute classic! (It is from 1963 afterall) Rachel and I CERTAINLY couldn't have handled this on our own. Luckily, we were joined by Bridget Renshaw (@BridgetRenshaw). It was a tough job, but we got through it together!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

In order to take a little time off for the holidays, Rachel & Sam are taking their first EVER break! So for the next two weeks, enjoy some of the most popular podcasts from our archives. They are in no way digitally re-mastered, and it's weird to think about how far we've come! Welp, HERE WE GO!!

You know who writes good stories? Neil Gaiman writes good stories. Both Sam and Rachel love his books and the Sandman comics, but did you know he ALSO has written some children's books? Well... we've GOT to read that! Chu's Day is a fun story about a panda bear. HA! Panda BEAR! I got the last word Rachel!

Also it's illustrated by Adam Rex. A Tucson guy! Man, I like this book.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy

It's the Grinch.

I should need to say anything else because it's the GRINCH!

But I will! Even for a coupla Jews like Rachel and myself, How The Grinch Stole Christmas is one of the classic tales of the season. We've all read it and probably seen BOTH movies. And all of them, ALL the things are great! The book is amazing. The animated movie is superb. And Jim Carrey is the perfect Grinch and anyone who tries to take that from me can go right to hell.

But that doesn't mean the book makes any sense.

And so, with a solemn heart, we will gleefully give How The Grinch Stole Christmas... the treatment.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

This book, like our podcast, is not intended for children. And that's probably for the best as we head into this, the most festive of months.

Also, Happy Hanukkah!

Y'all remember Patrick Rothfuss right? He wrote The Name of the Wind? The AMAZING fantasy book that has an also really good sequel that I can't remember the name of?

He also wrote a [not for] kids book! And it's this one! And it's about a Princess who lives all by herself in an otherwise abandoned castle! That's not suspicious at all!

I'm not suspicious anyway.

Why would I be suspicious?

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

This is the story about an adorable little Birthday BATTLE Bunny!

This book is super neat. It's "written" in the style of an old-timey let's learn a lesson story, but then the "kid" takes the story and makes it AWESOMER!! (Yes, I realize that's not a real word, but Alex probably thinks it is!)

Speaking of Alexes, we had a guest Alex for this very episode! Alex, who you may know better as @gaymerinla, has a super cool story with how he ended up our guest and you should listen to hear it! Very nice guy!

And this book is just silly. I had the pleasure of reading it, and I was glad to destroy my voice to do it. It was WORTH IT!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

I hate this family so so much.

Rachel reads the story this week as delve deep into what a Thanksgiving can really be. In this case it's a family of HATE and ANGER, but that's just from me. The family itself is probably fine. They say ignorance is bliss.

But oh man, this is a fun episode. But before you listen, let me prep you with this: If they're called The Little Ones, and ONLY The Little Ones, why did they never have names. Are you they one AND many? Are they Legion? Have they come for us all?

I don't have the answers, but I fear. I fear deeply. (Not sure that's an actual sentence, but we'll go with it.)

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

 You guys, it's important to be yourself. Even if you're not as it turns out, a puppy.

And if you belong to a little kid with no noticeable parents AND you happen to be an AWESOME octopus? All the better!

We may not know what magic Octopus powers you have, but you use them and it is amazing. If reading about the coolest pet a kid could have doesn't interest you, then I maybe don't want to be your friend.

Just kidding! I want to be everyone's friend!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

And now we find ourselves SOLIDLY in Turkey season. Well, Thanksgiving Season. And what is Thanksgiving Season if not also Turkey Season? Fall! (Or Autumn.) The important thing here is "Gobble Gobble."

This little book helps us get into the aforementioned season. The on with the birds that we eat. Except this bird doesn't WANT to be eaten. How rude! It wants to be other things that we also eat. I fail to see the logic here, BUT I am prepared to be solidly amused.

No spoilers, but this book ends on a really delicious note!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's Halloween! Or it just was, anyway. So why not relax with a spooky fairy tail? Even better, what if it's a spoooooky fairy tail retold by Neil Gaiman? Because awesome.

Nail Gaiman is a legend. If you've been listening, you should know this because we've already read two of his books! Check out episodes 30 & 31 where we read Chu's Day and Blueberry Girl respectively. I've been wanting to read this version of Hansel & Gretel for a while.

It's a little longer than we normally read, but it's absolutely gorgeous. Both verbally and visually. I mean, we all know the basic story of Hansel & Gretel, right? If not, please watch Looney Tunes and they'll eventually cover it. (HANsel??) This is a brilliant version and Rachel and I had a lot of fun with the re-telling.

If you're a fan of Nail Gaiman, or children's books, or old fairy tales, or witches, or beautiful drawings, this book has something for you, and it's a wonderful opportunity to discover the other things too!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's getting closer to Halloween everyone, and that means it's time for ScAaAaAaAaAaAry stories! This one is about a g-g-g-ghost!!

We're joined by Xach Fromson (@_mythogenesis_) to read a silly little book that has no sense of establishing a baseline! Sure the book is fun, but inconsistent. If you like the episodes where we really tear into a book, then this is the one for one!

Because Halloween is not the time to be nice. Halloween is the time for candy! Also this book. Specifically this book on our podcast.

You should listen.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Jon Scieszka & Lane Smith are LEGENDS (in the world of kids' books). (And also everything else.) We read a Lane Smith book two weeks ago and it was amazing. This week's book, The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs is something I remember from back when I was but a wee little baby.

Apparently Jacquie remembered it too (@JacquieWaldman) because she's BACK and specially requested this book. And boy, is it great!

That poor wolf. He never called himself "Big Bad." That was ASSIGNED to him by the MEDIA. And we all know how accurate they tend to be. This is HIS story. The TRUE story.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Joined this week by Jacquie Waldman (@JacquieWaldman) we learn something important that I, for one, did not know.

Did YOU know that everybody poops? Me neither! Especially because the book is ACTUALLY called EveryONE Poops and I've been saying it wrong this ENTIRE TIME!

So sit back and relax because what's happening is very natural.

Poop.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Lane Smith is pretty much the best. He's illustrated all SORTS of amazing books, and this month we just kept running into his name. It's a Book is fun. Especially because I just liked saying "uhhhh It's a Book."

This one is cute, quirky, and carries a bit of a message, which I would be super interested in hearing, if I wasn't too busy playing Fruit Ninja on my iPhone.

And the INCORRECT depictions of Apes/Monkeys continues...

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Have you ever been in caveman times, y'know the Paleolithic era, and thought to yourself, "Hmmm. This is fun and all. What with the creation of fire and newfangled "wheel" thing the kids are going on about, but gosh darnit if I don't want some form of animal companionship to keep me company!"

Well, you're in luck! Me Want Pet! explores the necessities of caveman-pet ownership and the intrinsic struggles therein.

Also, silly story! Ug! Read book! Laugh lots! Thud!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Oh man, am I a huge fan of Kate Beaton and Hark a Vagrant! (www.harkavagrant.com) So I talk about this during the actual recording, but I discovered her in a Toronto bookstore and have been bonding with people over our mutual Vagrant love since then.

Now the book. It is adorable. It is about a Princess and her Fat Pony. Fat Pony is the greatest American (read: Canadian) hero.

I mean, Princess Pinecone is kinda amazing too, but Fat Pony steals the show. Honestly, I really shouldn't be typing anymore. Listen to the episode!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Yeast Burps can't stop Rachel and I from doing our job, and our job is READING YOU STORIES.

Let me tell you about this week's book. Hoot Owl has a problem. I mean, he (or she, it's never actually addressed) is hungry. So Hoot Owl has a solution, use a disguise, sneak up on prey, and STRIKE! For Hoot Owl is king. Hoot Owl is leader.

Hoot Owl worships the encroaching permanent darkness. The forever dark is coming for us all. Especially....

You.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Do you know about alternate universes? Did you know that we're IN an alternate universe RIGHT NOW? Either you belive it, or you're a PART OF THE CONSPIRACY!! Want more information? Read this fun article: http://www.avclub.com/article/how-you-spell-berenstain-bears-could-be-proof-para-223615

Far, FAR more important this episode are our guests! Sean David (@TheSeanDavid) and Will Link (@TheRealWillLink) host their own amazing podcast. Rachel and I were guests last week! It's called Will Sean Podcast? (http://willseanpodcast.blogspot.com/) You should listen to it and subscribe and become as big a fan of it as we are!

Now sit back, and relax as we read the story of The Berenstain Bears and The Spooky House!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

I'm not sure what this kid is looking for. His parents spelled it out, but I don't know how to spell! What on earth could this t-r-u-c-k be?

*whisper whisper whisper*

OOOOOOoooooh!

Okay, so listen to a fun little book where a poor kid can't quite find his favorite toy, which just so happens to be a TRUCK!

The word truck makes a lot of sense once you think about it.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Ferrets, Stoats, Minks, but most importantly.... WEASELS! They're here for a very specific purpose: World Domination. And why should we expect anything less?

This fun little book was a surprise in how much we enjoyed it. So much fun literally from beginning to end-papers. (See the pun I did there?) And if you, for one, wish to pay respects to our future weasel overlords, the least you could do is listen to this episode!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Sometimes there is a tale as old as time. And sometimes it is about a crocodile. Now, this crocodile was made promises. Promises of a PARTY nature. And you can't just make a promise like that. It sets expectations WAY to high. Now we have to figure out a way to celebrate reptilian style: by killing everyone because we don't know how to relate empathetically. We're cold-blooded monsters.

Anyway, let's party!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It is what it says it is. A book with no pictures, but that doesn't mean it lacks frivoloty! And by frivolotyu, we of course mean the potential for a horrendous feedback loop that the reader could be trapped in for all eternity.

Run children. Run for the hills.

Anyway, it's a fun book by a guy I'd heard of before I picked up the book itself. So that's fun!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's pretty simple. What do you get when you combine and elephant and giraffe?

Why instant comedy for all ages, that's what! Oh those silly kids Giraffe and Elephant may have their differences, but gosh darn it, they still manage to get up to some WACKY hijinks. Gosh darn it, Giraffe and Elephant, can we ever stop loving you?

Answer: no we can not.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

No spoilers, but Emma Yarlett's Orion and the Dark had a couple of the most creative pages we'd ever seen in a kids book! It's super cool!

Okay, so it's about this little kid whose scared of, well, basically EVERYTHING! Especially the dark. But that all changes when the Dark comes to life and comes into his room and right up to him! Then it's not scary at all! When it's all anthropomorphic and immediately present in the one place in the world you considered safe! Super comforting forever!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

First of all, we apologize to you, the listener, because this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the creation of Nuclear explosives.

Second, we apologize to singing and those implicitly expecting us to be able to sing properly.

Finally we apologize to Chris Ballew. It's just.... we are so so sorry.

Anyway, ENJOY THIS BOOK! YEAH!!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We kept BJ (@BJcomedy) around for another week before he has to leave to do his fancy schmancy "military training," so what better was to goof around with the ultimate goofball than to read an illustrated picture book not intended for children! Hooray!

You Have to Fucking Eat, by Adam Mansbach and illustrated by Owen Brozman, is a perfect interpretation of a parent's biggest frustration: Getting their goddam kids to eat a motherflipping sandwich. Fuck!

Anyway, this episode may not exactly be SFW, but it's absolutely delightful and evocative. And full of shitty kids.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Joined this week by the improviser and overall very funny guy BJ "Honkey" Lange (@bjcomedy). Now, when we say that BJ knows everyone, we are 100% correct and don't look into it.

The book we read is Dr. Suess' EXTREMELY patriotic Oh Say Can You Say! Now, we SAY that's patriotic, but it's really just a book of tongue twisters. How better to celebrate our nation's independence than by misintrepreting some core texts? This is gonna be great!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

In celebration of the HISTORIC Supreme Court announcement this past Friday, Rachel & Sam are reading a very special story. And Tango Makes Three is a book that sparked a lot of controversy back in 2005 because it is a TRUE account of two male penguins raising a baby penguin. It's a beautiful and adorable story.

Rachel and I were delighted to be joined (once again) by Courtney (read: Whitney) Kraft (@TheAnimeGoddess)!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

This book. Yeesh. Zach Luna (@ZacharyJLuna) joined us again, and man. This one is rough. Is it really so difficult to write what's special about Wonder Woman? If you're a couple of men, probably. And I'm not saying men can't right Wonder Woman, but I am saying that this one can't. Bluch. But WE (Rachel, Zach, and I) had an absolute blast reading it! And we came up with our own versions of super heroes, which are probably the best thing ever.

LISTEN TO IT!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Joined by special return guest Zachary Luna (@ZacharyJLuna) we read the super fun book George in the Dark by Madeline Valentine. We have Zach read and man, did we enjoy this book. This kid, George y'see, is super brave, but not... in the dark.

And there are implications. Implications of a Demonic Column nature.... Anyway, enjoy!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's my birthday episode! (This is Sam typing right now) So I wanted to do something epic and fun. I wanted to read one of The Magic School Bus books! These books are... big. For us. So get ready for a long episode, but it's all fun! Do you remember growing up with this book because I sure do! I used to read ALL the Magic School Bus books and watch the TV show! It's great!

Ms. Frizzle, we miss you. Please come back home.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

What's that? A SECOND Dr. Suess book in a row? What glorious world do we live in that supplies such fantastic treats??

This one? Oh boy!!

That said, it ain't as good as last week's. Sure there's wonderful pictures and images because it is Dr. Suess after all, but... well... Dr. Suess can phone it in every now and again too. But that don't mean it ain't RIPE for comedy!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Just in time for this year's graduation season, we read the Dr. Suess book that hits the New York Times best-seller list every year! It's Oh, the Places You'll Go! (Because we know the way marketing goes)

It's a fun little story about the path your life will take. This is assuming, of course, that you'll be abandoned by your firends, wallow in grief, and purchase way WAY too many elephants. But isn't that how life goes for all of us when we're in our 20's? (Yes.)

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Did you see the title of this week's episode?? It's called The World According to MUSK OX!! How is that not the greatest name that has ever existed? There is no way that it isn't. Man, Erin and Matthew have really got this figured out, man.

Gosh, what else? Oh! The book is a fun journey around the world using a MAGIC travel trunk that allows super-sonic speed for hoofed mammaloids. Dry wit for all.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

This fancy day in May has been brought to you by IMAGINATION! Yes, it's Sir Ryan's Quest! And, in addition to Staying Alive, young Ryan journeys the scary corridors of... his house and earns his knightly accoutrement.

We also had special guest Kimberly join us! No, it wasn't the pink ranger, but she was a female who had heard of Zordon. I think you can draw your own conclusions. Kimberly Spillman (@kspillma), ladies and gentlemen!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Zombies are still popular right? The Walking Dead is probably the highest ranking show that's actually good. It's getting a spin off next year, and I hear that iZombie is pretty fantastic, and I can't wait to actually watch it! So why not have good ol' Rachel & Sam get in on the zombie action?

This book is about two zombies that love each other who are then surprised by parenthood, as so many of us often are. Also, a fully functional worm society living right at their feet!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!